Another Guilty Session

Last week, I discovered the Luke-Noah story on "As the World Turns" and I was hooked.

What is it anyway about soaps that make us addicted to them?

I'm well-aware of the fact that in place of actual skilled storytelling, they opt for awkwardly edited scenes that are cut into small chunks that are not too small, but large enough for you to choke on. This of course is spread out over weeks, months and even years.

So what brings me to this one?

I suppose it's because I've been searching lately.

This isn't limited to watching spliced episodes of soaps on YouTube, but I've also taken a liking for French films about gay teens.

Now at this point in my life I'm hardly a teen, quite possibly never really been a twink. What resonates is with me is the uncertainty of the future that these kids face. Risking everything for love, how exuberantly naive can one get?

Maybe I'm searching for that exuberance. I don't quite get that feeling anymore.

To be realistic, the film I saw, "À Cause d’un Garçon" or "You'll Get Over It," isn't too cheery. It isn't some brooding film as well. It's somewhere in the middle, perfect for the awkwardness of adolesence. Perfect for the awkwardness of my life right now and all the questionable choices I've been making.

It's precisely this awkwardness that I suppose keeps me perpetually feeling like a kid at times. While I can be distanced and sage when it comes to helping other people with their issues, I sort of let my own swing to and fro being carried around by chance hoping it would at some point settle down.

However, when will this constant shifting between the rational and impulsive, confident and insecure and goodness-knows-what-else stop? Probably never.

I haven't initiated a good relationship since I was a teenager. Maybe that's why I'm so fixated with these fictional teens? Being in the closet willingly has screwed up my on-board radar. I might have to give up my rainbow license.

Anyhow, I've got another movie lined up: "Presque Rien."

It's a coming of age story about two boys who fall in love with each other.

Big surprise.

Escapism? Maybe. Reflection? Possible.

Or perhaps I just have an incurable crush on Jeremie Elkaim.


But for now, it's back to Lucas and Noah in "As the World Turns."