Electric Dreams

I am not usually one to dwell in fantasies. I try to keep things as real as possible.

However, every now and then the occasional creation from the realm of the fantastic does capture my eye and sends me in fits of delirium.

One of my hobbies is gaming. And in the past decades or so this medium of entertainment has grown considerably. Since this is a stereotypically heterosexual pursuit, most of gamedom's characters are fetching lasses in skimpy outfits. Hence, growing up, it was virtually impossible for me to fixate on any of my gaming heroes for scopophilic ends. I mean, who could develop a crush on those guys from Contra as you saw them on your television?

As gaming became more advanced, it became to portray the finer nuances of the human anatomy. And while I once again call on my tendency to remain prudent, some gaming hunks have tickled my fancy.

Here are my top crushes in gaming.

Solid Snake, Metal Gear Solid

Okay, so this picture really isn't of Solid Snake hhimself, but rather of his "dad", Naked Snaka (a.k.a. Big Boss). Since Solid was cloned from Big Boss, they look the same. Plus one of the hottest aspects of Metal Gear Solid 3 (which is a prequel) is that you could dress up Naked Snake in various camo outfits. I like making run around the jungle without his shirt on. Rowrf!

Gillian Seed, SNATCHER

So this guy isn't really that famous. He's Gillian Seed, an amnesiac who was discovered with his wife in a cryogenic sleep in Siberia. The only thing he remembers is the word Snatcher, which is now a bio-mechanical terror, which impersonates the people it murders. Think Blade Runner and you'll get what Snatcher is about. Gillian is a cop with a mysterious past and undergoing a divorce. I just think he's hunkily drawn and is really a likeable guy. His amnesia in a subtle way makes him a bit of a teenager searching for his identity and this appeals to my paternal insticts.

Link, The Legend of Zelda

It seems quite unlikely that I'd ever have a crush on Link from The Legend of Zelda. The original NES showed him as a squat Elf. Those old Saturday morning cartoons made him look like a leftover of the Eighties and sounded like a imbecilic spawn of suburban America.

So imagine my surprise when in the June 2006 issue of Out Magazine, they awarded Link as the "Hottest Video Game Character." I mean, I do agree to some degree, but with countless shirtless hunks in all those other games flexing muscles, wooing bitches and killing enemies, it was a bit of a surprise. Out Magazine writes:

When darkness enshrouds the land, Nintendo's sexy farm-boy-turned-wolf sets out to save the day in this upcoming game. His weapons: a sword, a bow, arrows and kick-ass grooming skills.

Uhuh. So whatever. I ignored it. However, once I actually got to play the new Zelda game, I was in for a rude awakening (or stirring).

Shirtless Link!

It was just too much for me to take. I couldn't really know if I was scandalized or strangely attracted to my elven alter ego. Is it his lean bod? Those stylized sumo garb? Or the fact that he has never been shirtless before? All those years of secret, unattended yearnings, unleashed by a flash of digital flesh? I swoon.

I don't usually go blonds and this Link is more brownish in hair, so that definitely ups the hotness level. Nor do I usually go for twinks, but heck. I'll do this one.

I don't think this pic does Link justice. A video of the sequence will provide you with a better peek at Link's pecs.

Move the slider to the 1:40 mark for Link's man on man action.

I think Link reminds of those amateur guys who, um, do the deed on those sites that are so prominently featured in sites like QueerClick. I have never been this enamoured with a videogame character before and I don't think I ever will.

I have never felt so guilt-stricken as well. It's like falling in love with your best friend. O such sweet taboo.



I end this featurette with a pic of the hottest Link I could find. I couldn't stop staring at his beautiful face. Never before have I developed a crush... No, dare I say it?... fallen in love with someone who liked to dress up as a fictional character (or any character for that matter).

First of all, I'd like to draw your attention to the perfectly mesmerizing eyes. Then the flawlessly translucent skin. Then to those oddly attractive ears. Finally to the meticulously crafted green tunic.

Rapture!


The only problem.


This Link's a girl.



And once again my closeted heterosexuality tries to make itself known.