As I sit here tonight, I wonder once more.
Why do I think too much? Brood, brood, brood.
For some reason, I feel very, very lonely. It's not that I don't have friends around. They're there, fluttering about, but something just got to me today.
I just finished watching "Memento"; you know that Christopher Nolan flick. Yeah I spent two long entries babbling on and on about "The Prestige" - a decidedly inferior according to some people (probably because it's more "mainstream") and one would probably correctly assume that I'd babble on and on about "Memento."
Not really. It was good, no doubt. Maybe it was my mood today or the fact I just saw it in my room with the distractions of the people outside my door, the PC and books. Memento didn't draw me in that much. None of the twists really surprised me nor did they beg me to unravel them.
Maybe I'll need to process it some more.
Right now I feel like dried shit that attached itself to the bottom of your shoe and couldn't be scraped or hosed out.
Like my entire life was headed for this moment: the big giant BLAH.
Of course the irony of the blog is that as I sit here, hours and hours trying to be all profound and shit about my life, the sun has come and gone and I'm still alone.
It measures nothing.
2 comments:
This post reminded me of similar journal entries when I was 24. I can relate to that sense of being alone or loneliness, as well as spending time and more time trying to document what was happening to me & what it all meant. Then, more than now, I would reach for one or more music albums that would improve my stark mood. Now I watch a funny movie or go for a walk and sing as I walk the dog. When worse comes to worse, I chant these words silently as I'm falling asleep or as I'm sitting in my closeted life. They have helped me even when I was living with a man & had suffered insults & unfaithfulness on his part, or on mine. The words of comofort, believe it or not are these: "The Lord is my light and my salvation. Whom then shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life. Of whom then shall I be afraid." They got me through all kinds of difficulties & still come through for me. Go figure?
A bit of a toughie. Being youngish on my part. Not to whine too much at least, but I think it's a phase and I'll outgrow it.
Music is great. I have my therapy music and therapy...whatever, but I feel like Tinkerbell's out to get me.
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